Repetition of Healing

It’s almost October, and like a true Scorpio, I can feel the energy of rebirth, transformation, and growth coming my way. Fall can represent many things to me. Cooler weather, shorter days, and the darkness of winter seem to be in the not so distant future. On a lighter note, astrologically I seem to get a nice boost. Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes to come alive again and again, I look forward to the rising of transformation as I move into fall.

As I attempt to embrace the healing potential of the season, I am noticing a few things about the process. The first theme is repetition. The Phoenix doesn’t just rise once, but again and again. Rebirth takes place as a continuum not a onetime experience. Initially, the awareness of repetition can feel like one step forward, two steps back as the fog of confusion and doubt descend. The hope of avoiding another hidden aspect can present itself as resistance. Defense mechanisms get triggered, and the next thing I know, I’m immobilized.

As my day unfolded yesterday, I watched the dance of ego and soul awareness. Like layers in the atmosphere, I was experiencing a variety of thoughts and feelings depending on where my awareness was. Part of me was excited. I am growth driven, so when I feel a surge of healing energy, I soak it in. Like basking in the light of all that is, it can be blissful. As I moved throughout my day, a different reality presented itself.

My ego self wanted something more concrete. I do not think our egos are something to overcome. Our egos enable us to make the intangible tangible by grounding spiritual and soul awareness in the physical. However, our egos can also be masters at trying to control instead of being a team player.

wave
Image by sub_lime79

Sometimes sensing that change is coming can trigger an ego desire to gather my energy and prepare. This can then set off a script that says: How? What do I do? Prepare for what? It’s an effective defense mechanism because the result is to do nothing. I can feed distraction and disruption with the simple illusion of not knowing what to do. I recognize the ploy, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t ride the wave until the end.

Once again, I try and gather my energy and move forward. I open to the unknown and simply allow my process to unfold. I try to balance action with inaction instead of diverting all my energy to distraction. I realize that growth and healing involve a lot of repetition, so I don’t need to berate myself with doubts. I try to be patient and face my fears instead of creating diversions that help me run away.

And, it works. I do feel better, stronger, and more centered. I recognize the surf is up and still calling me to come out for a ride, but I decline. I am not chasing a good ride. I am allowing the various energies to simply be. Instead of forcing an agenda, I am trying to balance ego needs with soul awareness. It may be a disorganized team, but it is a team none the less. I know that as healing evolves, the team will become a more harmonious unit.

Like a wave gaining momentum, genuine healing builds power and strength. We can watch, go along for the ride, or be it. Live it, and repeat as necessary.

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