Power, Fear, and Equanimity

As I’ve mentioned many times, energetic intrusion has been an ongoing challenge and process of expanded awareness and growth for me. It has been a strong theme that began decades ago and was consciously birthed from a desire to connect with spiritual guides. As with any path of awakening, we will encounter an extreme variety of emotions and energies. Naturally, the energies of universal light are what I consider far more enjoyable, and they have taught me a tremendous amount which is invaluable. Supportive, ever expanding, and truly embodying unlimited potential and infinite healing possibilities, the abundance of assistance, acceptance, love, and light are true gifts to me. However, the darkness presented as energetic attacks from another towards me have also served to point me in a direction of genuine power. I have had my share of experience with the dark side. Understanding that we are all “spiritual friends” and that those who seem to be enemies can be our greatest teachers, allows me to view those that hold me in disregard as guides. Intellectually, I have realized for many years that there is no true threat if we are genuinely in our power. Yet, in spite of “knowing” that, I still harbored a base fear of unwanted and non-beneficial energies.

In her book The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, Pema Chödrön talks about groundlessness. She writes about our instinct to seek feeling grounded in the face of feeling groundless. The trick is to embrace the groundlessness and the lack of foundation and security of knowing what will come. In other words, instead of trying to ease our discomfort by seeking that which will reassure us and give us a sense of security, we allow for our anxieties to present themselves to our awareness. To neither dismiss or encourage our neuroses; which will be heightened as opposed to calmed as we expand, open, and grow. This is no easy task. What I’ve finally come to realize is that when I sense an unwanted influence, I have a fear reaction that encourages me to “do something” to clear the energy instead of just observe. In other words, to seek a sense of grounding. For many years, the thought of simply observing seemed counter-productive to me. I felt I must clarify the source and clear it out to feel ok again. I’ve learned to let go of a lot, but there was still another layer of my psyche that doubted my ability to fully stand in my power and not be harmed by the energetic attacks of another.

Over the years, I have developed a lot of tools for dealing with darkness. Certainly, there can be many levels that need to be processed and faced when coping with the consequences of relationships. Especially ones in which we were in denial, making excuses for another, and simply unhealthy. Clearing possible karmic contracts, being brutally honest with ourselves regarding our own motivations and behaviors, and acceptance are required to heal. But what about the times when we do heal, let go, and are able to genuinely forgive, love, and wish those who have harmed us well? When we have done the work of self examination, growth, and gotten all we can from the experience, and simply moved on. Just because we release attachments and judgments, does not mean that another has. We can face ourselves, heal ourselves, and yet that can have no connection to another’s reality and perception of us. Consequently, energetic intrusions that carry a charge of anger, sadness, disappointment and so on can be an ongoing cycle that does not seem to have an end in sight. So, how do we cope? Especially given that we have no control over whether another chooses to forgive, accept, release, and move on.

We surrender. Not to another’s desires and attempts to manipulate or maintain attachments. We surrender to groundlessness. We open to observing and allowing for our anxieties without needing to grasp for something familiar and solid. We let go. Truly let go and open space in our awareness and existence for even deeper healing. Pushing away is resistance. Resistance serves to strengthen energetic intrusion by feeding our fears and doubts. Trust and faith are important building blocks for power. However, what I am slowly realizing is that it is in the simple act of allowing ourselves to be with a lack of knowing – my interpretation of what Pema Chödrön is describing as groundlessness – that truly frees us. Freedom to respond with equanimity to feelings, thoughts, and energies as opposed to triggering judgments, fears, and aversion. Equanimity that propels us towards genuine power and coping instead of grasping for security. Genuine power that embodies balance, loving kindness, and strength. For me, that is true security.

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