Recently, I found myself meditating on the following questions: What is it that I’m currently creating within myself that gives permission to another to take or gain control and power in a relationship? And, when someone clearly denies my expression of authentic self, why do I then deny myself the same expression in my own presence? I do know that when I deny an awareness of my more authentic self, I enable another to project his or her expectations freely and disrupt the balance of power. I lose my bearings and grounding, and then I allow another to steer the course of exchanges. I am weakened energetically and psychically. My hope is to convey to others that they have my permission to be their genuine selves in my presence. Of course, my altruistic intentions are rarely conveyed or recognized by another in the manner that I hope for. Communication mishaps abound more often than not. And, even though I may be hoping for acceptance on some level, my surrender to another’s agenda is not driven by insecurities and fear of rejection in the more obvious sense. There is another layer that resides deep in my psyche and relates more directly to how another’s perceptions of me influence my ability to relate more directly to my soul self.
The deeper layer of awareness that grants us genuine freedom is that we must grant ourselves permission to be who we desire and intend to be as authentic, soul aware, and human selves. Regardless of whether I am in the presence of another or alone, I and only I can genuinely grant myself permission to be me. Often, I sense, usually energetically, that a request is being made of me to comply to another’s desires and perceived needs. As a reflex and conditioned response to these requests, I can have an immediate reaction, whether conscious or unconscious, that says “I am being denied permission to be myself in your presence” because it can feel like a person is only concerned about her or his own needs being met. Instead, I can send myself the message to observe, consider, and respond without needing to comply with or deny my own existence in a genuine manner. In addition, I can foster empathy by remembering that another is most likely seeking permission to be herself or himself in my presence as well, and that we as individuals are the only ones who can genuinely give ourselves permission and freedom to be.
The idea that we must give ourselves permission first may seem obvious and simple. But, given the complexities of relationship dynamics, both internal and external, genuinely granting permission on a human and soul level is not as easy as it may seem. The unspoken components of our own personality issues and denials, other people’s issues, cultural and social constraints, and so on make for a complex and often complicated experience. As with intention, simply saying “I give myself permission to be me” is not enough. It reminds me of the concept of “you have to love yourself first.” Yeah, well that certainly is easier said than done in my experience. Sincerely digging through the multitude of layers of our thoughts, belief systems, emotions, physical conditions, spiritual and soul aspects is an ongoing process of the human experience. Integration, healing, and transformation are the work horses of expanded awareness and being authentic, mindful, and present. So, the answers to my questions are not so difficult. The real challenges are: Can I transcend my personality and deep seated needs by bringing my own denials and vulnerabilities into the light? And, am I willing to embody my soul’s request to stand in genuine power and maintain a balanced and compassionate perspective regarding myself and others needs?