It’s been a confusing week energetically for me. I started to feel stuck. Normally, this kind of state would not last more than a day or two without reprieve. However, for whatever reason, I continued to be baffled regarding genuine clarity. I utilized my usual arsenal of tools and resources to no avail which left me asking: What was I missing? Was there some new piece of information or technique that I had yet to discover? Maybe that was it; there was an opportunity for a new adventure presenting itself. An adventure into lightness.
I’m quite familiar with adventures into the dark side as a means to grow, heal, and transform. Fortunately, I’ve also had my share of joy due to the support and healing that come from embracing light as well. But, I started to wonder if I was hoodwinked into thinking there was a darkness driving my state of being, when in reality, I may simply have been avoiding expanded lightness. What did that mean? I wasn’t sure yet. Even as I was writing this, my familiar self migrated toward its usual trend which is to release through the discovery of hidden aspects of my inner being. Not the fun and kind aspects. Oh no, my silly ego self is far too accustomed to needless suffering for that. So, I found myself a little like a ship put out to sea with no navigation or clear course. In the absence of any genuine sense of direction, I challenged myself to create a course centered in seeking transformation and rebirth by following light. Just as a captain may use the sun and moon to guide her course, I attempted to steer myself towards the light and away from the heaviness and darkness that I had been sensing. So, I put myself out to sea, so to speak, and watched where the currents, weather, and movement would take me.
Immediately, the usual obstacles start to present themselves. There’s not enough wind to fill the sails, the rudder breaks and leaves me going round and round in circles, storms start to build, yet don’t quite seem to manifest, and so on. I try to bolster my self confidence: Hey, if a 14 year old can try to circumnavigate the planet by herself at sea, so can I! After all, I may be middle aged physically, but I have life experience and wisdom on my side. Then again, I don’t have the gift of naiveté that youth can embody. Regardless, I have a choice. I can embark with lightness of heart and mind, or I can give way to the fears, impatience, and general annoyance that not having a clear course of action can create.
Even as I wrote this, I harbored a fantasy that the act of writing and expressing myself would bring a change in course and clarity. I mean really, was a channel marker too much to ask for? Some type of beacon that validated, yes, come this way? I must admit, on the upside, that I was pretty sure I used to feel this way more often than not, and the reality that my current confusion felt a bit like unfamiliar territory was reassuring. Also, I knew there were markers that I was simply not seeing or recognizing. So, I continued on with optimism that I would start to find my way more clearly, effortlessly, and joyfully regardless of the obstacles along the way.
Then, something happened. Clarity started to peek through like the sun breaking through clouds. I realized that the energy itself was not dark, but it was struggling with shadows of doubts and rough seas. Sometimes, it can be easy to confuse the energy of someone we love and are close to with our own. Especially, if they are struggling to find calm waters, and they fail to include the crew in navigation. There may be those who try sailing solo, but the truth is that humanity is not a solo experience. When we allow our crews to support and assist with our journeys, we all benefit. Communication is the course to clarity, peace, and light. Openness and honesty create the potential for a harmonious crew that can survive storms and help us return home to safe harbors. Then, we are free to enjoy the peace that comes from calm waters and clear sailing filled with the breezes of grace and love.
May we have the wind at our backs, and sun on our faces.