Message to self: You are never going to be more – or less – than you are now, so take advantage of it.

That may sound a bit discouraging, but it isn’t meant to be. What it means to me is that I am all I need to be right now, here in this moment. We all are.

I am enough, my life is enough, so stop seeking that which needs to change and allow yourself to experience your potential now. Your future self is already here, and she is ready to act.

There isn’t some magic turning point where we heal, grow, or become worthy of joy, happiness, and contributing to humanity in some manner that creates meaning and purpose. There isn’t some brilliant idea, motivation, or powerful surge of energy that will transform my life into something it isn’t now (I’m not talking about trauma and unforeseen crisis that force unwanted changes).

butterfly
She Was Completely Transparent With Me by Randy Son of Robert

There are many small moments that eventually lead to change and the creation of who we are, how we are, and the lives we create.

If I recognize the truth in the message as my soul speaking through me, then why, oh why, do I still struggle to act on it?

That is the question of my life. I’ve hidden it under many disguises: Fatigue, low energy, not having enough information, not being enough…. yet, and so on. I’ve even rationalized it by remembering times when I did receive guidance and followed through, so naturally, I would do the same again if it was clear. Of course then if it’s not clear, there must be some limitation or fault in me that is blocking clarity.

I think creating change is a common dilemma. Some may avoid acting internally by slowing down, being more present, and getting off of automatic pilot. Others, like me, may embrace a quiet, solitary approach, yet struggle with taking action externally. As with all the changes we’d like to make, we struggle to do what it takes to make change a reality.

The truth is: After decades of asking myself the question of why I struggle with taking action, I still don’t know the answer. Maybe the real question is: What am I waiting for?

I’ve come up with many ideas, coaxed my doubts and fears out and into my consciousness, and certainly made significant progress towards a more soul aware existence. However, I still come back to the same dilemma; why do I continually find taking physical action so challenging? Am I simply stuck, or if I am enough, and I’m happy, will my life be enough 5, 10, or 15 years from now?

It’s true that I’ve had an amazingly graceful life. I still do. I recognize that my ego self may not want to take action that may jeopardize that. Play it safe. But, I also know that making fear based decisions – as in avoiding risk due to insecurities – is something that I consciously try to avoid.

The hard reality is: I am still hoping for guidance, some great idea, to provide inspiration AND the physical energy to carry it out. Even though I see through the illusion of that hope, I still hoodwink my conscious awareness away from what I seek. I grasp for some sign that will provide motivation and follow through.

Maybe I still harbor some denial as to my humanness. I still hold a secret hope that if I do the work internally, the work externally will naturally and effortlessly follow. Or even worse, that I won’t even have to act physically because I will be enough if I allow my soul to be heard.

I think part of why I cannot accept that my life style is enough is this: My soul wants more. So, even though I have a wonderful and graceful life, there is more to experience.

I still don’t know the shape and form my soul’s nudging will take. But, I do hear my soul calling to me: Let’s play more, let’s do more. Not because of judgment based thoughts and conditioning that tell me what I am supposed to be doing or I should be doing. Because being human is an opportunity to play, learn, and be happy. I can be even happier and more joyful. I’m guessing we all could.

Here’s what I can do: I can genuinely embrace my own potential which knows that I am more than I think. I can break free of conditioned limitations. I can stop seeking some sign that clearly points out a path and over thinking things, and simply do. I can remember that my efforts may come easily some days or be sidelined other days. Change is evolving. I can jump off the cliff into physical reality and find wings to fly; in spite of my personality trying to convince me that I am caged. I can use the wings of grace to soar into unlimited potential. I can remember that I am human, there is no such thing as a perfect life, and be who I am. I can give myself permission to believe that I am enough, kindhearted… enough, and worthy of respect and appreciation – from my own self.

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